I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
