She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
