As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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