I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
