I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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