Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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