His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
