I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you didnt know i had herpes?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
