i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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