just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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