This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
