just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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