Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize