I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
