My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I intend to get homeless drunk
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
