dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
