Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
