Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
