I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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