one word: firstdatebathroomanal
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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