Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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