They should really pass out barf bags in church
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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