She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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