so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
