I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
