dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We are two peas in an std pod
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
