my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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