I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
