i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
