I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
