Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
