i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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