I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
