I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
