Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
