He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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