You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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