I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
