I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
