I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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