You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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