Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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