I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
