When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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