He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you still have your period?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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