I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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