It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
