I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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