overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
