Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
