i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
