They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
