I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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