So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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