I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
