Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You're like the curious george of whores
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
