I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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