He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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