How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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