you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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