you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
