i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
