He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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