i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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